|Thought of the day – Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make|
|Prepare to face the challenges. A past left unresolved will continue to haunt you if you don’t address the underlying sorrow, pain and anger. You may not want to revisit aspects of what happened in the past but if you don’t, you allow the part of your mind that conceals and glosses over hurts to dominate. And instead of fully comprehending what happened and learning from it, you live in the grip of the past subconsciously and let it eat away at you.
Accept that you cannot change what happened. But, still remember you CAN change your past. You cant change it phsyicaly but you can change it mentally. It is not possible to rewrite the facts of what you experienced and went through. But it is possible to rewrite the way you perceive it and handle it from now onward. If you don’t, your hurt self will carry over this emotional pain into all new experiences and relationships, possibly poisoning them and dooming them to failure without any conscious desire on your behalf.
Don’t believe anything someone said to hurt you. Abusers, from the mildest situational bully like an obnoxious supervisor to a bone-breaking abusive parent, do not want you to think well of yourself or question their unjust authority. If they say you’re too independent, that’s because they wanted you to be dependent of their opinion over your own. If they say you’re too sensitive, it means you still have the capacity to feel if it’s true or enough self-respect to reject an insult. If they say you’re too cold, it’s because you’re not gullible enough to fall for their excuses. Compare their insults to what people who like you and hold a high opinion say about you. When both groups agree, it’s probably true about you but that doesn’t always make it bad. This kind of sorting can take some time and introspection. It’s deep healing. Start it by making a list of the things you like about yourself, to separate your feelings from your detractors. You may find some traits on both lists, accept them as part of yourself. You may find some of their insults are just flat lies. It’s common for bullies and abusers to lie to keep people emotionally dependent on their good opinion. Often they project their flaws, which you might not share. A personal journal is good for this, followed by discussing your observations with a trusted friend or therapist who has a high opinion of you.
Be grateful for friends who support you and will always be there for you. Don’t upset yourself by thinking about people who did not respect and appreciate you.
Let go. Acknowledge that you’re living in real time carrying the baggage of old time. And then let go of it. Are you playing out a past habit in a current relationship? Does your fear of anger, loss, raised voices, silence etc. now set the tone for how you relate to others? This requires careful consideration to untwist the tendrils of who you really are and what experiences from childhood onward shaped how you react to situations. Most of us feel a deep inner core of who we are at our best. And we are all capable of separating the emotional triggers from the solid core of self if we sit still long enough to tease apart that what triggers our habitual behavior and seek that which is truly what we believe ourselves capable of being
Remove the past from your future. This simply means that you must learn to stop letting past experience controlling you. This happens when you have a bad experience and you let it continue. In this case, instead of thinking positively and remembering the means by which you ultimately overcame prior negative challenges, your immediate, habitual reaction is to transfer the bad outcomes from that former experience to a current situation, assuming the worse case scenario for your current experience, with full-blown expectations that things will only be bad. And with that comes the habitual reactions, on cue, rather than a series of chosen proactive actions defined by you as the person you are now.
Create a positive future. Combine the knowledge that you cannot change the past with the knowledge that you cannot predict the future but you can make sure that the person you are right now is strong, whole and healthy emotionally, so that any future negative scenarios are something the person you are now can definitely cope with, no matter what gets thrown at you. This is really about taking responsibility for yourself and how you react. Once you have faced the challenges from your past and accept that while you cannot change the past, you can cease to let it be role-played out every time a new challenge arises, you are beginning to remove the fear of more bad things happening as directed by your past experiences. Instead, you now learn to embrace the reality that the future is as yet unwritten and if you want it to be a positive and strong experience, the power lies within you to achieve this.
Take it slowly but surely. No overnight transformation will occur when you are trying to move yourself through past habits. It all takes time and you will only achieve the best and soundest results by allowing yourself the time and space to move on.
Avoid making rash decisions. While you’re going through the healing process to strengthen your ability to deal with the past in a reasoned and distanced manner, keep aware of the triggers that will send you back to past habits. Actively aim to put a hold on habitual reactions and challenge yourself to do things differently, while at the same time accepting why you need to do this. This also means avoiding making decisions in haste that you may regret later, such as cutting off all ties with somebody in your family, or sending notes filled with vitriol to people, or quitting from something you have been doing. While ultimately some of these outcomes might end up being the path you take after reasoning it with great care, initially this exercise is about strengthening yourself to make calm and enlightened decisions rather than making merry with curses and burning your bridges with no care for tomorrow. You do care about tomorrow – a responsible, thoughtful, and clear future that is free of being controlled by past habit.
|Joke of the day|
|An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that." She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my TOAST!"|
|Have a great day!